Rays of light shone down on me

In my life, one of the few constants has been art. My abilities as an artist, however great or small they may be (trust me, it’s still very much up for debate) have been a defining element of my personality, and in the choices I have made. I am an artist; that is how I think of myself, and how I present myself to others.

But if I could trade it all in, I would, without hesitation. My art has-- even in its worst moments-- ultimately brought me nothing but joy. But there is something else that I want more. Something else that I love more, even more than art.

Music.

If I could trade it in, be a musician instead of a draftsman, I would. I would gladly give up visual art for aural; express myself in notes, not paint. I long to create music-- real, rich, vibrant music-- with my hands and my voice. But I can’t. It’s not an ability I possess, and no amount of wishing will change that. My voice is flat and limited, my fingers and reflexes far too slow. I cannot make music, so instead, I devote vast amounts of time to appreciating it as best I can.

Case in point: the mix. I have a penchant for mix CDs. I love to pour over my collection, picking out just the right songs for a specific mood or theme. It is a telling statement about the universality of human emotions that virtually any idea one might wish to convey can be found in a song, or many songs. No matter how happy or hurt or alone we might feel, someone else has felt the same way, and expressed it in song. We are all part of a common experience. Art-- all art, audio, visual, or otherwise-- reminds us of that. Mix CDs especially. Plus, hearing, say, Beck and Elliott Smith on the same CD is just cool.

I used to make mixes fairly regularly. Not for any real purpose, just to make them. Sometimes I wouldn’t even put them on a disc, I’d just assemble a few songs together on paper and appreciate them solely in my head. The best ones I got down, though. Lately, I’ve stopped doing it. I’ve made, what, a half dozen this past year or more. The last four have all been for the same person. I’ve been preoccupied, distracted. Enough. Time start again. It is a good thing, from time to time, to pick up old habits.

This is my new mix that I finished just last night. It’s not one of my best, not one of my worst. It has no specific purpose, apart from the pleasure of making and listening to it. The only theme is me. This is my soundtrack, for me, right now, at this time and place in my life. What of it I could squeeze onto an 80 minute disc anyway. (I could fill dozens more, but sometimes there’s something to be said for succinctness.)

It’s not much-- pretty short, very basic. But very, very me. I can’t wait to listen.

1. Sunken Treasure - Wilco
2. A Long December - Counting Crows
3. The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine
4. The Fairest of the Seasons - Nico
5. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
6. Don’t Change Your Plans - Ben Folds Five
7. Staralfur - Sigur Ros
8. Let’s Explode - Clem Snide
9. Life in a Glasshouse - Radiohead
10. The Philosopher’s Stone - Van Morrison
11. I Was Meant For the Stage - The Decemberists
12. Holy Grail - Badly Drawn Boy
13. Things the Grandchildren Should Know - Eels