To absent friends

And I'm up while the dawn is breaking
Even though my heart is aching.
I should be drinking a toast
To absent friends
Instead of these comedians.

-Elvis Costello, The Comedians

I have been fortunate, in my still-brief lifetime, to know many extraordinary individuals, and more even fortunate still to call many of them friend. Artists and writers and musicians and intellectuals. Conservatives, liberals. Women of great faith and men of ceaseless curiosity, and vice versa. Advisers and storytellers, young and old, wise and foolish and funny and sad and thoughtful and kind. Remarkable men and women, one and all. I have known them, cherished them, and in turn, lost almost all of them.

The sad fact is that we will, all of us, lose most of the friends that we make during our lives. Some will be to anger, some will be to betrayal. Some will, inevitably, be lost to death. But most will be simply be lost to life, and time.

It is impossible to hold onto the past, and I know because I’ve tried as harder than most. Cicero said that the times change, and we change with them. Even if we don’t want to. Eventually, we grow up, we move on, and someone is left behind. Look, here is my childhood friend, who found a new circle that did not include me. Here is my older sister, in spirit if not in blood, too afraid of being judged to include her old life in her new one. Over here we have the beloved teacher and mentor I no longer visit; over there we have the friend who never wrote me back, or the one that I never bother to call. Here is another one, and another, disappearing like pages on a calendar. Another month passes; another loved one becomes a memory. These things rarely have definite ends. Most simply fade out, their time expired. I have lost many friends.

Each one saddens me, just as I’m saddened each time I have to grow up, move on, find someplace new. I hold on when I can, but even the best of friendships taper off sooner or later. A lifetime friend is a rare thing, and we cannot know who it will be until a lifetime has passed. Most of the people I have, I will lose. Most of the people you have, you will lose, too. Often the best we can hope for is to become a fond memory.

I live my life as best I can, trying to do what I believe is right. I hold as long as I can, always, but I have said many goodbyes, and I will say many more. Each one hurts. But my pain is assuaged-- I knew them for a while, and I will not forget. Let come what may-- time, life, or even death. I will not forget the people I love.

To all of you-- those of you here now, those of you long gone, those who will never read this toast or know of its existence. To all my friends and acquaintances, my loved ones past, present and future: thank you. This is for you. Thank you.

All that I am, I am because of you.